Outing the Bathroom Pig

There exists a cloak of secrecy over one of the most vile, selfish, creatures that live and walk among us (The Bathroom Pig!)  I feel sorry for owners that have to provide and maintain restrooms for public use, and I feel sorry for people like myself who are forced to use public restrooms because too often, I simply can’t make it home to use my own.  At best there are multiple commodes and if one or more are unsuitable there will be one that is clean enough.  At worst, there is nothing that isn’t disgusting, and if you can’t wait you are forced to attempt to make it usable yourself.


I cannot for the life of me understand the level of disrespect when it comes to public restrooms.  I have always been very grateful and respectful when I use a public restroom.  I am grateful that it is provided for me in the first place, and respectful enough of myself and others to leave it clean when I am done.

Having worked retail I have seen my share of what Bathroom Pigs leave behind.  It ranges from mildly offensive to OMFG! you can’t even enter the stall without vomiting.  Now I understand some restrooms are not nice to begin with and that there are not always seat protectors to put between you and whatever may be on the toilet seat.  There is usually toilet paper though, which can be effectively used for the same purpose.  Even in the worst restrooms, but especially in decent restrooms, there is absolutely no excuse in my opinion, to ever be a Bathroom Pig!  

I have this fantasy.. of how Bathroom Pigs might be outed and change their despicable behavior.  It goes a little something like this…. hehehe (evil laugh)

We would have automated public restrooms, you would select a number for a corresponding stall from a key pad, and then that’s the stall that would unlock for you to enter. Upon exiting the stall a camera would take a photo of the empty stall (graphic evidence of what you left behind) if it’s clean the automated bathroom lets you exit.  If it’s not clean upon attempting to exit you would be trapped in a cylinder where your photo would be snapped and that photo along with the photo of how you left the stall would be instantly transmitted to the Bathroom Pig Websites on all of social media.  Gives new meaning to the old crank phone calls ” I know who you are and I saw what you did” doesn’t it? Then, in order to get out of bathroom jail.. you would be forced to go back and clean up after yourself.  There would be helpful diagrams for those who do not know or were not properly taught how not to be a Bathroom Pig. Once a clean photo of the stall was snapped you would be allowed to exit.  Wouldn’t that be some kind of poetic justice?

It’s scary to think that in order for people to behave themselves that it would/could come to something like that, but as long as people (I use that term loosely) can be Bathroom Pigs with complete anonymity, sadly, it isn’t likely to change. 😦

Impending Reckoning

Sun going down on us
Sun going down on us

Impending Reckoning


As I drive past the once lush landscape

still smoldering…

An eerie silence fills the air, and I am

again reminded that our grasp on control

is tenuous at best.


The earth lives, breathes, and she’s angry…

at our continual assaults on the plentitude

she affords us.


Like a loving parent, stern, but kind,  

she sends urgent, painful warnings

that our behavior needs to change.


Like the willful, stubborn children we are,

we fail to listen…instead we push and

exceed her boundaries with record speed.

There are even those among us

who in the pursuit of money and power,

have had the audacity to alter her sacred seeds.


As if they could somehow do better than

nature intended!?


Her patience is waning,

and time is running out.

Would that we become enlightened

before she loses her temper;

or maybe… that’s just what we deserve!?

Copyright Dani Heart   5/16/13