The Life of the Party

stagecoach in Noelle 055

Is sometimes more than I can do…but I have come to understand it’s what’s expected, especially by those that don’t know me well.  I have a pretty bubbly personality most of the time, but like everybody else I have my down days and my troubles,  my quiet, introspective times… We cannot choose when these times occur and often we have social obligations that must be met.

Unfortunately, for me,  I suck at pretense.  Could not win at poker if my life depended on it. Sighs… If I am having some physical discomfort it is usually written all over my face, and inexplicably everyone notices.  Because I am often gregarious… when I choose to be quiet… it freaks people out.  Also,  and this is the bane of my existence…when I am not smiling or laughing…I have a natural frown and I look sad or pissed off.  I am not, of course, but because it looks that way,  I feel like I always have to be smiling and laughing for those around me to be comfortable.

and I am still trying to wrap my head around how what I feel and think matters much to anyone outside my inner circle, and why my emotions are often targeted in group settings.  That may sound paranoid and narcissistic…but I have witnesses.  There could be 20 people in the room, and many will take notice of how I am feeling/acting.  It seems I am not only a billboard, but a neon glow in the dark one at that.  It is not the kind of attention I want focused on me.  It seems impossible for me to fade into the background, and yet sometimes that is exactly what I would like to do.

Don’t get me wrong… it’s lovely to be cared about by many.  I am always grateful for any sweetness that comes my way.   It’s just some days… bubbly and gregarious is more than I can manage.  I feel as though I have to apologize for depriving people of my infectious exuberance when I fail to muster it, and maybe… I do?

 

 

 

17 thoughts on “The Life of the Party

  1. “when I am not smiling or laughing…I have a natural frown and I look sad or pissed off”—I can relate to this one. That face of mine has often prompted an unwelcome, “Smile” from men, a comment I’ve always loathed. As if because I’m a woman, I should be smiling. But unlike you, I’m rarely bubbly, so I don’t have to suffer that expectation like you. I imagine it can get exhausting. 😦

    Like

  2. I am strong supporter of the idea that you should never have to apologize for being yourself. Let others think what they will, and if they ask if you are okay, tell them the truth. They will eventually learn to the subtle differences between the non-smiling you and the non-smiling because you are actually upset you.

    Like

  3. I’m so sorry you have this issue in your life, Dani. I think you’re probably right that the reason people hone in on you is because they care, but that certainly doesn’t make it any easier for you — in fact it probably makes it more difficult!

    One thing though is certain. You must never feel you need to apologize for being human and having your ups and downs, never! Your emotions are totally valid, and those who love you will understand that, I think. xo

    Like

      1. Hee hee. It’s pretty brutal. But then so have I been these past days. Having lovely people like you around helps — even when you aren’t the life of the party! 😉

        Like

  4. cindy

    it must be a hard place to be, having that pressure. i think you are one of the happiest and most fun people i know and yes most of the time so i guess its expected but you handle it well. great read, keep them coming.

    Like

  5. Ah! I do know how you feel as I’m pretty much the same. 🙂 I too, have to fight of questions/stares from people that notice when I’m not bubbly or cheery. When I was younger I could easily hide it when I was e.g. upset or tired, now…not so much. I’m not aiming to please everyone anymore. People can’t expect you to have a never-ending bag filled with smiles and happiness. You need your own time to re-charge or to process things (or both)!

    Never apologize for being who you are, Sweet Dani. 🙂 xoxo

    Like

      1. That’s just wonderful, you can only do the best you can. To me, you’re perfect just the way you are! ^_^

        I promise that I didn’t burst out in that Bruno Mars song.

        Like

  6. Anya

    I’m learning to stop expressing myself only to fulfill others’ expectations. It’s much less stress! I’m also learning to stop apologizing for being who and how I am. It just plain feels better.

    Like

And your heart says...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s